A Prison Bitch’s Appetizer

Some days working alone feels like solitary confinement. Sitting in the same chair, staring at the same screen, and listening to the same playlist turns time into a slow, agonizing drip. You start to hear the whispers of rebellion—snacks calling from the kitchen, Netflix’s siren song, or the sudden urge to alphabetize your spice rack. Welcome to "Prison Bitches' Appetizer," a test of willpower you didn’t sign up for.

Being a "prison bitch" in this context isn’t about serving someone else’s sentence; it’s about fighting your own dull impulses. The appetizer? All those tempting distractions nibbling at your attention, each one daring you to abandon your post. Let’s turn this daily grind into a carnival of absurdity.

The Snack Gambit

Working from home often turns your kitchen into the forbidden fruit tree. Instead of sneaking to the fridge every 15 minutes, turn snacking into a game. Want chips? Fine, but first, plank for 30 seconds or juggle three random objects from your desk. Your snack becomes the appetizer of your victory—a reward for outlasting temptation.

Turn Cravings into Challenges

Stock your kitchen with unappealing snacks to test your mettle. Only stale rice cakes left? Congratulations, you’re dining like a true prison bitch. The very thought of choking down one of those cardboard circles might keep you chained to your desk longer than you thought possible.

Better yet, turn snacks into rewards. Break your day into segments and assign a “prize” to each. No, you don’t get the cookie until that spreadsheet’s done. Bribing yourself works surprisingly well, even when you know you’re both the warden and the inmate.

• Use physical activity as an entry fee for treats.
• Stock your kitchen with unappealing snacks to test your true hunger.

The Fab Outfit Day

Who says office wear has to make sense? Put on your most fabulous but somewhat ridiculous outfit—a banana costume, your old prom dress, or whatever’s been gathering dust in the closet. If it makes you laugh or cringe every time you pass a mirror, it’s working. It’s your prison bitch uniform, a reminder that you’re playing the game on your own terms.

Dress to Distress Yourself

Feeling brave? Go all in. Wear that getup to answer the door for deliveries or take a quick walk. Watch your neighbors’ faces contort into confusion and delight. Their reactions are the appetizer—a little amuse-bouche of absurdity to flavor your day.

Bonus points if you dress according to a theme. Pirate Wednesdays? Clown Fridays? Why not? If you’re the only one working from home, there’s no one to judge you except the cat—and it’s seen worse. Each outfit is a small rebellion against the drudgery of your solitary confinement.

• Wear absurd outfits to break monotony.
• Experiment with themed days to keep things fresh.

The "Work Voiceover" Game

Turn your dull tasks into a dramatic event. Imagine David Attenborough’s voice narrating your life: "Here we see the human in its natural habitat, attempting to conquer the perilous task of answering emails." Or switch to a sports commentator: "She’s typing furiously. Will she hit send before the deadline? The tension is unbearable!" Even a prison bitch deserves some commentary while tackling the daily appetizer of tedium.

Narrate Your Tasks

This ridiculous act does two things. First, it makes boring tasks hilarious. Second, it forces you to see your work from a distance, making it feel less suffocating. The tasks become players in a game, each one vying for a shot at your attention. Narrate them with flair, and suddenly, the mundane turns theatrical.

If you live alone, you can go all out with this. Record yourself if you dare. Nothing makes a to-do list entertaining like hearing it read back in a movie trailer voice. Or better yet, make your own prison bitch documentary. The world’s most mundane inmate, surviving the cruel appetizers of a digital workplace.

• Use mock commentary to make tasks amusing.
• Play with perspectives to take the sting out of monotony.

The "Invisible Co-Worker" Prank

Miss office banter? Create your own fake co-worker. Call them something absurd, like Phyllis von Scramblebottom or Chad the Magnificent. When you mess up, blame it on them. "Oh, that typo? Chad’s fault. He’s so unreliable."

Invent a Fictional Colleague

Take it further. Send yourself emails from Chad (use a secondary email address). Leave sticky notes for Phyllis, accusing her of stealing your pens. This little act of madness will keep things interesting and give you someone to “talk to” during your coffee breaks. Your prison bitch days need a supporting cast, and Chad is the perfect fall guy.

If you’re feeling brave, share Chad’s antics on social media. Just be prepared to explain that he’s fictional—or don’t. Let them wonder. Chad, after all, is the appetizer in this feast of insanity.

• Blame fictional colleagues for mistakes to lighten the mood.
• Use a fake co-worker as an outlet for office banter.

The Desk Gym Revolution

Forget going to the gym after work. Make your desk the new epicenter of fitness. Do tricep dips on your chair, use your water bottle as a dumbbell, or replace your office chair with a stability ball. Prison bitches don’t need fancy gyms; they sculpt their rebellion with what’s at hand.

Turn Work into a Workout

Set alarms for mini workout breaks. Every hour, do a set of squats, push-ups, or burpees. The key here is to make your breaks ridiculous enough to entertain yourself. Jumping jacks in your pajamas? Why not? It’s all part of the appetizer to the main course—your actual work.

For extra fun, invent exercise moves like the "Email Stretch" or "Spreadsheet Crunches." Nobody can stop you from creating the next fitness fad. When you’re stuck in a metaphorical cell all day, every little move counts.

• Turn your desk into a fitness station.
• Invent quirky exercises to keep yourself entertained.

The "Random Task Roulette"

Can’t focus? Write down all your pending tasks on slips of paper and toss them into a hat. Draw one at random and do it. If you’re feeling daring, add wild cards, like “Do 10 push-ups” or “Call a friend.” Each draw becomes a bitch appetizer for your brain - a bite-sized burst of unpredictability.

Let Fate Decide

This method removes the agony of deciding what to do next. It’s also a great way to keep your day unpredictable. No two days will ever feel the same when you’re at the mercy of the hat.

To up the stakes, set a timer for each task. Can you clean the kitchen in five minutes? Can you write that email before the clock runs out? Challenge accepted. It’s like playing blackjack, except the dealer is your inner prison bitch, daring you to gamble with productivity.

• Use a random draw to decide tasks and keep things fresh.
• Add silly challenges to make work feel like a game.

The Day-End Wrap-Up: Giving In

Sometimes, the best way to handle the monotony is to surrender—but on your terms. Set aside a block of time to do absolutely nothing productive. Stare out the window, scroll mindlessly, or nap like a cat. Give your inner prison bitch the appetizer it craves—a taste of nothingness before the grind begins again.

Let Boredom Win (Sometimes)

The trick is to schedule this. Knowing there’s a designated hour for zoning out makes it easier to stay focused the rest of the time. Think of it as controlled chaos—giving boredom a playground so it doesn’t take over the rest of your day.

When you’re done, you might feel ridiculous for wasting time. Or, you might discover that a little nothingness fuels creativity in the weirdest ways. Sometimes, letting go is the best biatch appetizer before reeling yourself back in.

• Plan a set time to indulge in unproductiveness.
• Allowing short breaks from effort can recharge your energy.