Social Anxiety and Handling Client Interactions

If you are suffering from social anxiety but you really have to go and see your clients face to face sometimes, how can you manage it all? Others don't understand - just business meetings. But it's a big obstacle for you, and you know you'll have to maintain ongoing relationships with your clients. You don't want to fail with your career. How can you really manage that?

Find The "Triggers"

What triggered your social anxiety in the first place? And what makes you feel worse every time?

You could start by keeping a detailed journal for a few weeks. Note down

• When you feel anxious,
• What was happening at the time, and
• Who was involved. 

Look for patterns over time.

For instance, you might notice that your anxiety spikes during unplanned, impromptu meetings but not during regular scheduled ones. This pattern highlights that unpredictability might be a trigger for you.

Don't Over-Prepare

Your social anxiety tends to make you prepare for the meeting over and over again - create a check list, review the materials thoroughly, then review again. Over-preparation can indeed become a stressor, as it may lead to increased anxiety rather than alleviating it. Here’s how to manage over-preparation and optimize your approach to client meetings:

• Set a Preparation Limit: Allocate a specific amount of time for meeting preparation. For example, decide that you will only spend one hour reviewing documents and preparing notes. Use a timer to stick to this limit. This helps prevent the cycle of endless preparation that can heighten anxiety.
• Focus on Key Points: Instead of trying to prepare for every possible question or scenario, focus on the main points you need to discuss. List the top 3-5 points you must mention at the meeting and concentrate your preparation on these areas.
• Practice Response Flexibility: Instead of scripting your entire interaction, practice how to respond flexibly to questions or comments that may come up. You can do this by outlining bullet points or key ideas rather than writing out full responses.
• Build a Go-To Strategy for Unexpected Questions: Prepare a fallback phrase for when you are asked something you didn't prepare for, such as, “That’s a great question; I’ll need to check the specifics and get back to you on that.” This can relieve the pressure to have all the answers on the spot.
• Conduct a Pre-Meeting Review: Briefly review your main points before the meeting, but keep this review short - no more than 10 minutes. This can help reinforce your readiness without leading to overthinking.
• Limit Rehearsal: Rehearse your part of the conversation or presentation just enough to feel comfortable but not to the point where it becomes memorized. Over-rehearsing can make your delivery seem robotic and increase your anxiety if the conversation deviates from what you've practiced.

Use Relaxation Techniques

Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing involve focusing on slow, deep, and consistent breaths which can help reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety, such as elevated heart rate and quick breathing.

Meditation can involve several minutes of quiet time, focusing on your breath or on guided imagery to help calm your mind before a meeting.

Apps like Headspace or Calm provide guided meditations that can be done in just a few minutes.

Adjust The Meeting Conditions If You Can

While you might often have to meet in a client's office, there are ways to make this environment more comfortable for you. 

• Choose Optimal Arrival Time: Instead of arriving excessively early, which can increase anticipation anxiety, aim to arrive just 10-15 minutes before the meeting. This allows you enough time to get accustomed to the setting without prolonging the anxiety.
• Prepare a Personal Comfort Kit: Bring items that help soothe you, such as water, a stress ball, or a notebook to jot down thoughts. These can serve as small comforts or distractions in moments of high anxiety before the meeting starts.
• Request a Familiar Venue: If you have a say in the location, suggest a venue where you've had positive experiences in the past. Familiarity can decrease anxiety as it reduces the number of unknown factors you have to deal with.
• Use Tactical Seating: Choose a seat that feels most comfortable for you. If being able to see the door or sitting with your back against the wall makes you feel more secure, opt for that position. Feeling in control of your physical space can help reduce anxiety.
• Have a Calming Routine Pre-Meeting: Develop a pre-meeting routine that helps calm your mind. This might involve listening to a specific song, practicing deep breathing, or going through a mindfulness exercise. Consistency in this routine can condition your mind to feel more relaxed before meetings.
• Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself: Recognize that no one is perfect and that you don't have to perform flawlessly to have a successful meeting. Setting more realistic expectations can help reduce the pressure that feeds your anxiety.
• Prepare for a Graceful Exit: If you feel overwhelmed during the meeting, have a plan for excusing yourself for a few minutes to collect your thoughts. A brief walk to the restroom or stepping out for a drink of water can provide a quick break to manage anxiety.

The aim is to control what you can in the meeting environment and prepare mentally and physically in ways that don't exacerbate your stress.

Build Gradual Exposure

Gradual exposure involves slowly facing the situations that make you anxious, in a controlled manner, to lessen your fear over time. Start by imagining the scenario you fear, then move on to watching others perform the task, and finally, try the task yourself in a low-stakes environment.

For example, if speaking at meetings makes you anxious, you might start by speaking in smaller, less formal meetings with just a couple of colleagues and gradually work your way up to larger, more formal meetings.

Redirect Focus During Meetings

While it might feel counterintuitive, focusing less on how you are performing and more on the task at hand can reduce anxiety. Concentrate on the needs of the meeting rather than on your personal feelings of anxiety.

Prepare questions to ask clients that are relevant to the discussion, which can shift your focus to the purpose of the meeting rather than your anxiety.

"This Is Nothing, This Is Normal"

So probably the week or so before the meeting, you're always stressed about it. The anticipation often feels worse than the event itself. Here are steps to help manage this period and push through the anxiety.

Break Down the Week

Day 1: Acceptance and Planning

1. Acknowledge Your Anxiety: Accept that you’re feeling anxious. It’s a normal reaction.
2. Mark Your Calendar: Write down the meeting time and place. This sets a clear intention.
3. Set Small Daily Goals: Plan small, manageable tasks each day that lead up to the meeting. This can include simple things like reviewing meeting materials or deciding on your outfit.

Day 2: Preparation and Routine

1. Routine Check: Stick to your daily routine as much as possible. Stability in daily habits can reduce overall anxiety.
2. Prepare Materials: Start gathering any documents or materials you need for the meeting. Doing this early prevents last-minute panic.

Day 3: Distraction Day

1. Engage in a Hobby: Spend some time doing something you enjoy to distract your mind. Engaging in a hobby can take your mind off the anxiety for a while.
2. Limit Meeting Thoughts: Set specific times when you allow yourself to think about the meeting, like 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night. Outside of these times, redirect your thoughts.

Day 4: Share Your Concerns

1. Talk to Someone You Trust: Share your worries with a friend or family member. Sometimes verbalizing your fears can make them feel more manageable.
2. Focus on Positive Outcomes: Remind yourself of a time you faced a similar situation and it went well.

Day 5: Rehearse and Relax

1. Brief Rehearsal: Do a short, casual rehearsal of what you might say or do in the meeting. Keep it light and informal to avoid building more stress.
2. Relaxation Techniques: Practice deep breathing or another relaxation technique to calm your mind.

Day 6: Light Activity Day

1. Light Exercise: Engage in light physical activity like a walk or some yoga. Exercise can reduce anxiety.
2. Treat Yourself: Do something nice for yourself, like watching a favorite movie or having a treat. It may sound stupid but just do it. You just need to do anything to shift your focus away from the meeting before it gets too much.

Day 7: Pre-Meeting Prep

1. Prepare Everything the Night Before: Lay out your clothes, pack your bag, and have everything ready. This reduces stress on the day of the meeting.
2. Early Bedtime: Get a good night’s sleep. Rest is important to face the day with a clear mind.

Day of the Meeting

1. Morning Routine: Stick to your normal morning routine as much as possible.
2. Light Breakfast: Have a light, healthy breakfast. Avoid caffeine if it makes you jittery.
3. Leave Early: Leave home with plenty of time to get to the meeting location. Rushing will only add to your anxiety.

Tips for the Final Push

Accountability

1. Tell Someone Your Plan: Let a friend or family member know that you plan to attend the meeting. Their encouragement can boost your resolve.
2. Text a Friend Before You Go: Send a message to a supportive friend right before you leave, letting them know you’re on your way. Sometimes, just knowing someone is aware of your goal helps you follow through.

Visual Reminders

1. Sticky Notes: Place sticky notes with encouraging messages around your living space. Simple messages like “You can do this” or “Just go” can be helpful reminders.
2. Phone Reminders: Set reminders on your phone with positive affirmations or reasons why you need to attend the meeting.

Use the Buddy System

1. Arrange to Go with Someone: If possible, arrange to attend the meeting with a colleague. Having someone by your side can make the prospect less daunting.
2. Meet Beforehand: If meeting someone there, plan to meet a few minutes before the meeting starts to walk in together.

Treat It as a Task

1. Task Approach: Treat attending the meeting as a task you have to complete, like going to the dentist. It’s just something that needs to be done, and you can reward yourself afterward.

On the Way There

1. Listen to Music or a Podcast: On your way to the meeting, listen to something calming or engaging. This can distract your mind from anxious thoughts.
2. Focus on the First Step: Concentrate on just getting to the building or the room. Once you’re there, it’s usually easier to go in and stay.

By taking these steps and breaking down the week into manageable parts, you can reduce the anxiety buildup and push yourself to attend the meeting. Each day’s small actions help build momentum, making it easier to face the meeting when the time comes.